Top 10 Ways To Lose Your Hearing

By Wisequacks at April 16, 2011 | 5:36 pm | Print

Top 10 Ways To Lose Your Hearing

TOP 10 WAYS TO LOSE YOUR HEARING

1. EXPOSE YOURSELF

Noise exposure is the #1 cause of hearing loss

The louder the better, in fact, you can effectively start to lose some hearing in just 7 ½ minutes by sitting in front of the speakers at an ACDC concert

Even prolonged low grade noise exposure such as being married to a nagging spouse may also cause you to stop listening

2. WEAR YOUR FAVORITE GENES

Genetic deafness is responsible for 3 children out of 1,000 being born hearing impaired to some degree

Dozens of potential gene combinations can be passed on silently from parents to their offspring

37% of children with minimal hearing loss will fail at least one grade in school…others fail because they don’t listen

3. TAKE DRUGS

Especially legal ones prescribed by your doctor such as anti-inflammatories, certain cardiac medications and chemotherapy agents

Probably the easiest drug to buy to do the trick is aspirin which may relieve both your headache and your hearing

Even inhaling solvents or sniffing carbon monoxide could make things go quiet

4. GO TOPLESS

Studies have shown that driving a convertible with the top down exposes the ears to noise averaging 90 decibels

Since permanent hearing loss occurs after repeated exposure to 85 decibels this means that most sports car drivers might not notice you yelling at them

While you’re at it, get into a fender bender because 17% of people involved in an accident where the air bag deploys will also experience loss of hearing forever

5. HANG OUT WITH YOUR BUDS

iPods with the traditional earbud speakers that fit firmly in the sides of every teenagers head is the latest invention to drown out sounds

These devices are capable of transmitting noise at Lady Gaga levels while less than an inch from a delicate transparent sheath aptly called an eardrum

Research reveals that full volume for 5 minutes is enough to blow your tweeters or perhaps even a woofer

6. GET A JOB

A great way to collect Workers Compensation is to choose a job that may reap benefits from being in a noisy environment

Examples include the military, construction trades and kindergarten teachers the morning after Halloween

Employment in an industry such as the government that simply ignores people rather than truly not hearing their requests, doesn’t qualify

7. KEEP SMOKING

Whether it’s a cigarette, cigar or your favourite weed, make sure and inhale deeply to effectively kill off the inner hair cells lodged deep in your cochlea

If you’re not a smoker, either consider starting or perhaps develop Diabetes as another means to be mean to your ears

Alcohol is also a great way to permanently pickle your herring…I mean hearing

8. LIVE LONGER

As we get older, it’s natural for all of our parts to get worn out including our inner ears

This leads to a common condition called presbycusis, which is Latin for “Whatdya’ say?”

Nerve deafness is the #1 reason that seniors wear the latest fashion accessories called hearing aids

9. IGNORE YOUR MOTHER

If you don’t listen to your mother, she’s likely to box your ears…

This sudden trauma may pop the eardrum or even your entire head

Other high risk activities such as cheering for the Blackhawks are certain to prompt others to shut your ears for you as well

10. STICK SOMETHING IN YOUR EAR

Go ahead and lodge something portable such as a piece of Lego or a set of car keys deep in your ear canal

Even Mother Nature may cooperate by creating a chunk of wax the size of Cleveland to block the passage of sound

If this happens, try getting the wax out with a Q-tip which will either rupture the eardrum or at least leave some of the cotton behind

 

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